Off to Atlanta WordCamp, for a weekend of gaining knowledge and rubbing shoulders with fellow bloggers! In mojo fashion, continuing to feed the brain should be of the highest priority in any toolbox for success in life – whatever your interest may be. All my best, Dear Mojo ask@dearmojo.com
|
||||||
|
Dear Mojo,
“You don’t know what its like…to love somebody…the way I love you” My life reflects so much truth in this Bee Gees song. When you grow up deprived of love, as an adult you want to give so much to the one you that shows you any love at all.
Sometimes your love is too good for that one person. But, because of that yearning, you continue and keep giving love to the wrong person and not getting what you want back in return. What are good ways to release that love to someone that WILL know how to love you like you love them???
Too Much Love to Give
Atlanta, Georgia
Dear love,
It sounds more like “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” If you are feeling at all like the BeeGees song – dump that boy and move on. If you are not getting what you want and continue to do the same behavior with no relief – it is time to move on.
First of all, I am very happy to hear you have love inside of you to give. Many people who grow up deprived of love shut off and simply do not even try. Therefore, you have a great deal going for you. Any type of deprivation or abandonment from childhood often requires professional therapy. I do recommend this.
In the meantime, I do believe that we all attract what we are inside. That said, since you say you have so much love to give as if it were a hot potato and ready to give away for it to mean something. The fact is, learning to turn that love towards yourself and believe you truly deserve it is the only way to find happiness and conquer loneliness. A truly healthy relationship can only come after you do the work to build a base within yourself. Once you have your base strong and your heart comes from a place of love, you will find that mate who will respect and give you what you need. But you must do the work inside yourself first.
Once you find the love within yourself you will find someone who knows what it likes to love somebody the way you love them. And please do not waste that energy on someone who is not returning the things you need and deserve. Make an appointment with a therapist as soon as possible and let me know how it goes!
All my best,
Dear Mojo
ask@dearmojo.com There is a universal equation for getting what you want out of life. The first is deciding exactly what that is – I believe that is the hardest step. The second is creating a plan. The third is preparing yourself, reading anything you can get your hands on, educating yourself with as much knowledge as possible (this step never ends). The fourth and final is tenacity, you will run into road blocks, this is just a test. Once you decide what you want – you will be presented with hoops to jump through, this is only a test. These “tests” are presented to seperate the men from the boys. Once you commit to achieve a goal, prepare and arm yourself with knowledge, do not let anything get in your way. From deep within yourself know that the challenges you will bump into are there to send the weak running – for a purpose. The way of the universe is those who don’t run scared get the prize – not only that, once you do reach your achievement you will cherish and appreciate your success. The truth is – there are no short cuts to any task in life. Whether it is a relationship, career or new hobby – there just is no way around the work – whether it sends you running or up for fight is yours to know! Let me know how you have gotten over the humps and hoops in life’s road to your own personal achievements. All my best, Not sure if you read any further – once the cougar was shot she would not let go of that dog – even in death! That started my imagination to run wild with visions of each of us with bad habits, people or situations that we cling to – we just won’t let go. Boy, so many of us are confused or stuck where we are at – take today’s lesson and let go of that “dog” you are hanging onto for dear life. You know what’s holding you back. Even us ole’ cougars know when to fold a bad hand before we get burned. Trust Dear Mojo and PURGE that old junk – in fact run the freakin’ opposite way before that ole dog takes you down! All my best, Hey Dear Mojo! Feeling a little down in the blue today. i am supposed to bo positive and “sell” a new JOB description for myself but my heart is just not into it. What is it when the mind knows what is right but your actions are different?? I don’t feel like I should be alone right now, whether it is in my office, laying on the couch, driving my car. I am an emotional wreck. I am overpowered by guilt and uncontrolable feelings. Where do I turn??? Single & Lonely and wanting more out of life! Dear emotional wreck, The first thing that comes to mind is our own ability to learn to soothe ourselves in times of everyday challenges not to mention chaos and loneliness. Building a base within yourself is first and foremost the number one task you must begin to build. Sometimes the blues are necessary if short lived but when it becomes a blockade to everyday tasks there may be a medical condition to address or you may try the following mojo recommendations. Ask yourself “What messages am I telling myself?” and “Why am I choosing to believe self defeating thoughts?” The key to true happiness is all internal. The great news is the only thing we have control of are our thoughts. The other fabulous news is NOTHING happens until a thought provokes it – think about that – no emotion, no action, no feeling. So if you have control over your thoughts – you have control over where you are emotionally. Therefore, are you being kind and loving to yourself? Try to write down all of the messages you are giving yourself. Whenever you give yourself negative or demeaning feedback “Flag” yourself . Like a flag on the football field or a shock collar to a dog who has run out of bounds, find a “flag” to shock that message to yourself and “flip the script.” I recommend you visualize a pretend flag flying through the air to stop yourself and re-think that thought. Also, concentrate on daily gratitude. There is nothing more powerful than being aware of all of the things we take for granted every day. Taking a mindful inventory of the things you do have to be grateful for daily will be a certain step in the right direction. Now take it a step further and enhance those things which you are grateful for. Get into a very comfortable place. Close your eyes and truly allow yourself to picture all the things you are grateful for and start to build your fantasy life, your new life far away from the worries of today. Feel what that feels like, smell the scent of the future success you deserve, stay there and fill in the details as long as you can. Repeat daily! Hold on to this dream. Let me know how it goes for you in the next few days. I would love to hear from you. Anyone have other exercises to kick the blues? All my best, A sincere Thank you to all of my members for your continued encouragement through the R & D learning stage of dearmojo.com. The new year promises to deliver the very best laughs, cries and advice. I truly wish all of the gifts life has to offer to each of you! Thank you once again and have a very happy new year celebration! L Marr ask@dearmojo.com Won’t be long now – we will say our good-byes to 2009 and enter into a new decade! Yahoo – and just in the nick of time, right? Life has quite a bit of twist and turns. Meredith and I have always agreed that “life” is all too often the stuff you don’t have on your calendar. It’s the stuff that blindsides you on a Tuesday afternoon, when you were supposed to be receiving an award. It’s that phone call when departing for Hawaii at the airport – quickly changing your plans. What defines us all is how we handle the interruption and chaos of those moments.
It shows a lot in a person who can quickly and efficiently overcome obstacle with solutions that have a twist of humor. Take for instance the photo here: Meredith and I were juicing oranges. At this time in her life she had been through a great deal. She was irritated by the oranges squirting her in the eyes. Frustrated for a moment, I saw her quickly recompose herself as she had a “Mojo Jewel” brainstorm. Much like a “eureka moment.” She shouted, “I know what to do.” She ran upstairs and returned with her swim goggles on. She had a sense of pride as soon as she peeled the next orange and was squirted right on both goggled eyes! Pride, Confidence, Victory at last! Problem solved.
At eight years of age, Meredith was empowered to make that quick decision because I had instilled in her that she could overcome anything in life. Heck, she had survived emergency neurosurgery with 104.7 temperature – any and all the other stuff was a piece of cake.
Think about the things in your life you hold onto as a “whoa’s me” or balance as a chip on the ole’ shoulder – how about flipping the script on that version and turn it into a heroic warrior triumph? Let me know how it works out for you – you may even earn a Mojo Badge! All my best,
It is truly disturbing today to hear of the news of Dr. Earl Bradley. I have read many reports and reader comments of this devestating news of broken trust and I am prompted to share the courage of a child that anyone can build within their own families – and should. The single greatest fear we all have is of the harm a stranger could do to any child, not just one with medical conditions. Protecting, trusting and investing in our children should be a primary goal installed with strategic solutions. By the time Meredith reached the age of five she had been through a scroll of surgeries, hospitalizations and daily violations which were medically necessary for survival. Due to this history, I prepared my daughter to enter into Pre-Kindergarten. In order to protect my child from the outside world I became “Super Child Advocate.” At the time, Meredith had been prompted to undress at the request of Doctor’s and nurses countless times for medical exams and procedures with me by her side. I told her that I was not always able to be by her side in the outside world. I stated that we should “make a deal” I told her she needed to be strong and speak up if ever prompted for anything that felt out of the ordinary. I stated, “You and I are the boss of you,” no one and I meant no one was to ask her into a room by herself without me for any reason. I armed her with that message feeling confident it would protect her out of my presence. It was in the best child’s words I felt she could understand. Little did I know, that within her first few days of Pre-K she had practiced those teachings and stood by them ferociously. I was called into the principals office for a parent teacher conference the very first week. A nervous wreck at 25, my mind racing of what my precious child could have done, I entered the school with butterflies and a hint of nausea as if I were in trouble. As I sat down with the smell of school books and lunches withering through the principal’s office which increased my nausea, I realized this was a big deal – something really bad had happened. As the principal and teacher’s – yes plural three teachers to be exact – I was outnumbered and I felt like I was about to get suspended with 100 demerits. That was my memory of the principals office. Instead they began to commend me on raising Meredith as such a pleasant, well behaved and mannered child. I began to feel empowered for a minute – thoughts rushing through my head – then what the hell was I doing here? I know she’s awesome I raised her to be strong, independent and loving. I wanted to defend her immediately, they had no idea what her life had been like. The amount of empathy that child had was more than most gain in a lifetime. As the teacher began to explain, Meredith is one of her brightest and best students. The problem was when instructed to get in line for a simple bathroom break she simply stood up with a powerful stance and told the teacher while delivering fingers one by one to the opposite palm “This is my deal, You are not the boss of me, My Mother is the boss of me.” Meredith then composed herself sat down at attention with her hands crossed on the desk and refused to move. (Remember, she was five!) Finally, relief amd laughter filled the office and I began to further explain the lesson I had taught her to protect herself in the outside world. A world beyond the hospital. A world I could not control – a world none of us can. The one thing we can control is building a base within ourselves for our children. I was terrified when teaching Meredith to speak up to protect herself from Doctor’s or teachers, etc. But deep within in me I knew it was my sole responsibility to come up with something she could take with her – to build a base. All parents should trust themselves to come up with your own code for protection. It does not have to be perfect – just simple, empowering and impactful. How do you protect your children? How do you build a strong base for them and show them you trust their judgement? All my best, Dear Mojo, I’m in a real funk and I feel like I keep getting deeper and deeper in this bucket of despair. I know you’ve been there too. But, I’ve never really let circumstances get me down, not this down. I never knew what depression was until Brody had his accident. So I have to be grateful that I’ve not been afflicted with any real mental health issues in my life time. Many things are happening with my life, but none of it seems to be positive or forward moving — that’s my opinion, people beg to differ with me. But I’m feeling really sad, really blue, really lonely and I can’t shake it. For the last two years, when I’ve needed to re-focus, re-charge, and re-direct I’ve taken a trip to a warm place with sand, sun, and ocean …. written it all out of my system, would read until my eye balls were ready to fall out and listened to music to transport me. The sun would energize and relax me simultaneously and the ocean serves a dual purpose as well the first to throw out my questions and then wait for a response and the second to provide me with a different type of energy that can only come from moving water. I usually don’t mind traveling alone, but I just don’t want to this time. So, you have any words of wisdom, advice, whatever?. Please send me your thoughts. Desperate for a break, Dear New York, Thoughts? It sounds like a change of scenery would not only do you a world of good but also the people around you could greatly benefit. Anytime in life when we are called to handle great tragedies, like a life changing accident to a loved one, we often forget to take care of ourselves. Much like the airlines instruct us, in case of an emergency, to take the oxygen to our own selves first then loved ones – you must use this same survival tactic. It sounds like you have no oxygen left but everyone else is breathing well. Take that trip – if you don’t want to go it alone then try a travel group. Women Traveling Together at http://www.women-traveling.com/ or http://www.sistersonthefly.com/ Give yourself the gift of new vision, intelligent conversation and reflection to see yourself through this difficult time. May the force be with you! All my best, Dear Mojo, I am in a tough spot. Recent life changes have put me in an awkward position. I simply cannot afford any gifts this year for anyone. Many of my friends and my family have done so much to help me through this difficult time of divorce – I feel like I owe them. I don’t want to be anti-social – what do you recommend? Bah-Humbug Dear Bah - Sounds like you could use a little retuning of your view of what Christmas is all about. We all go through tough times and it seems you have been fortunate to have a great support system. You have a great deal to be thankful for. Take this opportunity to get creative with gift’s from the heart. Those are the most treasured items anyone can receive. When you acknowledge someone’s kindness through a hand written note stating how thankful you are to have them in your life it will touch them greater than any store bought gift. Have fun with it – if you have any old photographs of you and the recipient, write some humorous and thankful jingles on the back to show how much they mean to u! Now piper up and let your heart and pen do all your gift giving this year. All my best, |
||||||
|
Copyright © 2012 dearmojo :: - All Rights Reserved |
||||||
