It is truly disturbing today to hear of the news of Dr. Earl Bradley. I have read many reports and reader comments of this devestating news of broken trust and I am prompted to share the courage of a child that anyone can build within their own families – and should. The single greatest fear we all have is of the harm a stranger could do to any child, not just one with medical conditions. Protecting, trusting and investing in our children should be a primary goal installed with strategic solutions.
By the time Meredith reached the age of five she had been through a scroll of surgeries, hospitalizations and daily violations which were medically necessary for survival. Due to this history, I prepared my daughter to enter into Pre-Kindergarten. In order to protect my child from the outside world I became “Super Child Advocate.” At the time, Meredith had been prompted to undress at the request of Doctor’s and nurses countless times for medical exams and procedures with me by her side. I told her that I was not always able to be by her side in the outside world. I stated that we should “make a deal” I told her she needed to be strong and speak up if ever prompted for anything that felt out of the ordinary. I stated, “You and I are the boss of you,” no one and I meant no one was to ask her into a room by herself without me for any reason. I armed her with that message feeling confident it would protect her out of my presence. It was in the best child’s words I felt she could understand.
Little did I know, that within her first few days of Pre-K she had practiced those teachings and stood by them ferociously. I was called into the principals office for a parent teacher conference the very first week.
A nervous wreck at 25, my mind racing of what my precious child could have done, I entered the school with butterflies and a hint of nausea as if I were in trouble. As I sat down with the smell of school books and lunches withering through the principal’s office which increased my nausea, I realized this was a big deal – something really bad had happened.
As the principal and teacher’s – yes plural three teachers to be exact – I was outnumbered and I felt like I was about to get suspended with 100 demerits. That was my memory of the principals office. Instead they began to commend me on raising Meredith as such a pleasant, well behaved and mannered child. I began to feel empowered for a minute – thoughts rushing through my head – then what the hell was I doing here? I know she’s awesome I raised her to be strong, independent and loving. I wanted to defend her immediately, they had no idea what her life had been like. The amount of empathy that child had was more than most gain in a lifetime.
As the teacher began to explain, Meredith is one of her brightest and best students. The problem was when instructed to get in line for a simple bathroom break she simply stood up with a powerful stance and told the teacher while delivering fingers one by one to the opposite palm “This is my deal, You are not the boss of me, My Mother is the boss of me.” Meredith then composed herself sat down at attention with her hands crossed on the desk and refused to move. (Remember, she was five!) Finally, relief amd laughter filled the office and I began to further explain the lesson I had taught her to protect herself in the outside world. A world beyond the hospital. A world I could not control – a world none of us can.
The one thing we can control is building a base within ourselves for our children. I was terrified when teaching Meredith to speak up to protect herself from Doctor’s or teachers, etc. But deep within in me I knew it was my sole responsibility to come up with something she could take with her – to build a base. All parents should trust themselves to come up with your own code for protection. It does not have to be perfect – just simple, empowering and impactful.
How do you protect your children? How do you build a strong base for them and show them you trust their judgement?
All my best,
Dear Mojo
ask@dearmojo.com